A Week in the Life of Lil' Prince Albert
by Haryuu no Hanekata
Summary: That's just it. A week in lil' Al's life. It gets quite complicated as the week goes on. Reviews, please! Shameless Lavitz and Dart bashing, but it's funny. No flames, please.


A Week in the Life of Lil' Prince Albert  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Legend of Dragoon or the characters, I just have thight to make fun of them. Thank you.  
  
  
  
Ever wondered what Al was like when he was just a lil' prince? Ever wonder if he ever goonfused while running around that huge house of his? If you ever wondered, wonder no more...  
  
"Mommy, it's Sunday! What cape do I wear today?" lil' Prince Al yelled to his mother,  
the queen of Serdio, from his fourth-story bedroom closet. It was a miracle she could heaim. Of course, he was rather loud when shrieking, if he had to be.  
  
"The one on your left, dear."  
  
"This one?" He held up a teal-colored cape, even though his mother couldn't see it.  
  
"No dear, the one on your OTHER left."  
  
"Oh. The bright PINK one!!"  
  
"No, sweetie. Your other OTHER left."  
  
"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH.....Mommy, you're too confusing...."  
  
"How did he get a bright PINK cape?" the queen wondered to herself.  
  
*************  
  
"Mommy, it's Monday! Where do I eat breakfast today?" lil' Prince Al yellerom his fourth-story bedroom.  
  
"In the dinning room, sweetie."  
  
A brief pause, then, "Mommy, where's that?"  
  
"It's downstairs, dear."  
  
"Oh." He opened the first door he saw while coming downstairs and walked inside.   
  
"Mommy, it's kinda crowded in here..."  
  
"That's a closet, sweetie..."  
  
"Oh...whoops..." He walked out and ambled down the main staircase, opening the firsoor he saw and walked inside.  
  
"Mommy, this white thing sure is a funky table..."  
  
"That's a toilet, honey. You're in the bathroom..."  
  
"Oh...whoops..."  
  
Eventually, lil' Prince Al wandered into the dinning room. But by that time, it walready time to eat dinner...  
  
*************  
  
"Mommy, it's Tuesday! Where am I?" lil' Prince Al yelled from his new, fifth-story bedroom.  
  
"You're on the roof, sweetheart..."  
  
"Oh...whoops...Hey! I can see Lavitz's house from here! HI LAVITZ!!"  
  
Lavitz was on his roof, so he yelled back. "HI AL!!"  
  
"WUZZUP!!!"  
  
"WUZZUP!!!"  
  
"My house is SSSSSSOOOOOOO big, I can see your house from here!!"  
  
"Well, MY house is SSSSSSSSOOOOOOO big, that...uh....I get lost in it!!"  
  
"WHOA!! ME TOO!!"  
  
"All the time?"  
  
"ALL the time!!"  
  
"Yeah!!"  
  
"DUDE!! ALL THE TIME!!"  
  
"YEAH!!!"  
  
"How's your Dad, Al?"  
  
"He's great!! How's your Dad?"  
  
"He got lost!! I haven't seen him since Sunday!!"  
  
"Really? Mom won't let me wear that bright pink cape you made me out oour Mom's old underwear and that parachute you found in the barn!!"  
  
"Really? Dude, that sucks!!"  
  
"I know!! It's SO not fair!! When I'm king, everybody'll wear PINK uniforms!!"  
  
"COOL! I wanna be a knight so I can wear my PINK uniform!!"  
  
"YEAH!!"  
  
"YEAH!!!!"  
  
By this time, lil' Prince Al's Mom told him to go to bed.  
  
"Bye Lavitz!! Hope you find your Dad!!"  
  
"Bye Al!! Hope you get to wear that cape!!"  
  
Lavitz went inside his house, while lil' Prince Al couldn't figure out how tet down from the roof. Eventually, he fell asleep and fell off the roof. At   
least he got down...  
  
*************  
  
"Mommy, it's Wednesday!! I wanna go play in the basement!!" lil' Prince Al   
yelled from his fourth-story bedroom.  
  
"No, sweetie. Your father has to teach you to walk like a little prince."  
  
"But Mommy!! I don't like walking with a broom-stick up my butt!!"  
  
"That'll teach you to walk like a king."  
  
"But Mommy!!"  
  
"No buts. Now go."  
  
"Fine..."  
  
~*~ After a few hours, while walking with a stick up his butt, lil' Prince Aeached a decision.  
  
"I don't wanna walk like Daddy. He walks like he's got a wedgie or somethin'..."  
  
So, Al decided to rebel against this oppressive routine. He snuck out of the castlhat night and went over to Lavitz's house. There, they made a plan to run away...  
  
*************  
  
"Lavitz! It Thursday!! Where are we?" lil' Prince Al yelled from inside his new,  
home-made, ground-floor bedroom.  
  
"I dunno. I can't even figure out how to make this thing go..."  
  
"It's my boat, Lavitz."  
  
"I know. But how do you work it?"  
  
"That's easy. You get servants to do it."  
  
"...Al, you do realize that there aren't any servants under your castle..."  
  
Al paused. "Oh yeah...whoops..."  
  
Lavitz sighed. "Well, maybe we do something with these...uh..."  
  
"Q-tips. Wooden Q-tips."  
  
"Yeah! Wooden Q-tips!"  
  
"Now that we've figured out what they are, what do we do with them?"  
  
"I dunno. But we need to figure it out before the guards come lookin' for you."  
  
Al sighed. "Yeah. Hey! I've got it! We stick the wooden Q-tips into the water, like this."  
*Al puts the 'wooden q-tip' in the water* "And then, we move it in a circular motion, likhis." *he moves it around* "It's what they're designed for!"  
  
"Moving water?" Lavitz asked.  
  
"No! Cleaning ears!"  
  
"I don't see any ears, Al."  
  
"I know. But the technique is the same!"  
  
"OOOOOOHHHH....COOL! You're so smart, Al."  
  
"Thanks. It's from reading all those books."  
  
So, after some trial and error, Albert and Lavitz were on their way, paddling from underneath  
Albert's castle, out into the ocean, where they spent the rest of their day...and night...  
  
*************  
  
"Lavitz? I think it's Friday..." lil' Prince Al mumbled from his no-story...boat...  
  
"I think so too..." Lavitz replied shakily.  
  
"I'm cold..."  
  
"...Me too..."  
  
"And thirsty."  
  
"...Me too..."  
  
Al sighed. "Where are we?"  
  
"I dunno. The last time I saw land was...was...Thursday..."  
  
"How long ago was that?"  
  
"I dunno..."  
  
"Hmm. We need a way to get out of this mess." lil' Prince Al began to think.  
  
~*~ A few hours later ~*~  
  
*Lavitz's stomach grumbles* "Al, have you thought of anything yet?"  
  
"No, not really, but I--"  
  
*THUMP!!!*  
  
Albert and Lavitz shrieked at the same time.  
  
"ACK!! WE'VE CRASHED!! WE'VE BEEN BEACHED!!" cried Al.  
  
"WE'RE DDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD!!!" cried Lavitz.  
  
"I'm too smart to die!!" wailed lil' Prince Al.  
  
"I'm too HANDSOME to die!!" wailed lil' Lavitz.  
  
"No you're not, now SHUT UP!!" lil' Dart yelled from atop his tree.  
  
"Who're you?" asked lil' Prince Al.  
  
"M'Dart. Who're you?"  
  
"I am Prince Albert Steven Serdio of Basil."  
  
"And I'm Bernard-Lavitz-Alvin-Slambert-Tripperson. But you can call me Lavitz."  
  
"Lavitz, why do you have FIVE names?!" asked lil' Prince Al.  
  
"I dunno...but Mom has married a lot, and Dad told me that we were called...hi...hi-"  
  
"HICKS." supplied lil' Dart.  
  
"That's it!! HICKIES!!!"  
  
"NO, not hickies. HICKS!!" yelled lil' Dart.  
  
"So, what's a hick?" Lavitz asked.  
  
"Uh...so anyway," continued lil' Al, "Mr. Mdart, where are we, and are you a resident of thilace we've happened to beach ourselves on? If so, can you direct us to the nearest government   
facility so we may send for a rescue boat to extract ourselves from your place of residence?"  
  
Lil' Dart blinked. "Huh?"  
  
"WE WANNA GET OUTTA HERE!!" wailed lil' Lavitz.  
  
"In five words or less, exactly." said lil' Prince Al.  
  
"Oh. Okay. But I dunno what a gunnerment fassilie is..."  
  
"That's not going to help our situation any, then..." sighed Al.  
  
"You know what?" asked lil' Dart.  
  
"No. What, Mr. Mdart?"  
  
"Your intials make ASSBLAST."  
  
Lil' Prince Al blinked a bit. "Oh. Well, thank you Lavitz, for having FIVE names..."  
  
"I COULD HAVE SEVEN!!!" cried lil' Lavitz.  
  
"Oh?" asked lil' Al. "And what would those be?"  
  
"Bernard-Lavitz-Alvin-Slambert-Tripperson-Emphasima-Dummbledork!!!"  
  
"BLASTED!!" cried lil' Al and Dart in unison.  
  
Lavitz beamed with pride. "Yup."  
  
"You're weird, Lavitz..." observed Al.  
  
"Yup. I know..."  
  
*************  
  
"MDART!!! I think it's Saturday!! I'm HUNGRY!!" lil' Prince Al yelled from his placn the mud near the campfire.  
  
"I THINK IT'S....uh....YEAH!! SATTDAY!!" returned lil' Dart.  
  
"Um...okay...."  
  
"EXACTLY!!"  
  
*Meanwhile, Lavitz was positioned at the bank of the river, watching some 20-pounalmon swim in the current. Lavitz licked his lips*  
  
"Ooooooohhhhh.....fishies...."  
  
Dart looked around for the hick which accompanied the prince to his island.  
  
"BLASTED?! WHERE ARE YOU?!"  
  
"IT'S JUST BLAST!!!" cried Lavitz.  
  
"Whatever...." mumbled lil' Prince Al. "I still think it's blasted..."  
  
"LOOK ABNER!! WE'RE RICH!!!" yelled Lavitz from the river.  
  
Dart furrowed his brow. "Who's Abner?"  
  
"I....uh...mean....ALBERT!! LOOK ALBERT!! WE'RE RICH!!"  
  
"We are?!" Al jumped up from his pool of mud to try and locate his hick...I mean...friend...  
  
"YEAH!!!" yelled Lavitz.  
  
"What are they? Diamonds? GOLD?!" cried Al as he ran through the forest.  
  
"BETTER!!"  
  
"What could POSSIBLY be better than gold?!"  
  
"FISHIES!!!"  
  
"..."  
  
Lil' Dart caught up with Al. "We're rich with fishies?"  
  
"I guess..."  
  
They soon came to the clearing with Lavitz leaning over the river.  
  
"FISHIES!!! THEY'RE LOOKIN' AT ME!! HHHHHHHHIIIIIIII FISHIES!!!"  
  
Lil' Prince Al shook his head. "Lavitz, you're an idiot..."  
  
"Yup. I know..."  
  
Al blinked. "Okay."  
  
Dart peered into the river. "So Blast, how do you suppose you're gonna get those fishies?"  
  
"With my MAGIC!!!"  
  
"You have magic? What kinda magic?! You're a MAGICAL HICK?!"  
  
"Yup. I know..."  
  
Lil' Prince Al tilted his head in supreme confusion. "Lavitz has magic?"  
  
"Yup. I'll demonstrate it right now!"  
  
Lavitz crouched at the bank of the river, ready to pounce.  
  
Dart crossed his arms. "I think he's gonna poop his pants..."  
  
Al nodded his head. "That could kill fish..."  
  
"Or, he'll let a ripper..."  
  
Al turned to him and asked, "What's this 'ripper'?"  
  
Dart made a face. "It's not good. Like this...PPPPPHHHHHHHTTTTTTTBBBBBBBSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh...that's a ripper..."  
  
"READY FOR MY MAGIC?!!?" yelled Lavitz.  
  
"Do we have to be?" asked Al.  
  
"Do we need to hide to survive your magic?" asked Dart.  
  
"NOPE!!! WATCH!!!"  
  
So, Albert and Dart turned to watch Lavitz perform his magic.  
  
"I perfected this technique when Mdart explained that we had cool intials...HERE GOES!!"  
  
Lavitz crouched furthur and shouted, "ASSBLAST!!!"  
  
"That's not appropriate, Lavitz!!!" cried Al.  
  
But before Lavitz could answer, he was in mid-air, trying to plant his huge buttocks on tof one of the huge fish that inhabited the river. When he was coming down, Dart yelled.  
  
"TIDAL WAVE!!!"  
  
"RUN!!" yelled Al.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" they screamed as they ran.  
  
A few minutes later, after the shockwave had knocked lil' Dart and Albert off their feet anhe tidal wave had washed them clean, they returned to the river to inspect the damage inflictey Lavitz's 'assblast' magic.  
  
Dart blinked as he surveyed the damage. "Whoa..."  
  
Al pointed to the fish Lavitz was sitting on. "That's one big doo-doo, Lavitz..."  
  
"Yup. I know..."  
  
Dart huffed. "That's not a doo-doo...poopie...thingie!! That's a FISHIE!!"  
  
Al blinked and smiled. "FISHIE!!"  
  
"FISHIE!!" cried Dart.  
  
"FFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!! NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!" cried Lavitz. "I KILLED IT!!"  
  
"Oh well. At least now we can eat!!" said Dart.  
  
"Yes," agreed lil' Al, "I think this calls for a celebration!!"  
  
"NO!! A PARTY!!" yelled Lavitz.  
  
"A celebration IS a party, Lavitz."  
  
"Oh. Yup. I knew that..."  
  
"Of course you did..."  
  
~*Hours later, after eating the fishie, Albert and Lavitz decided that it was time to leave*~  
  
"Well, Mr. Mdart, it was nice to be on your island, but we must return home." said Al.  
  
"Yup. PARTY!!!" cried Lavitz.  
  
Al turned to him. "No. No party, Lavitz."  
  
"Yup. NO PARTY!!!"  
  
"Anyway, Mr. Mdart...could you show us to the--"  
  
"Gunnerment fassilie? I dunno what that is..."  
  
"GUNNERMENT FASSILIE!!" cried Lavitz.  
  
"No, Lavitz. No gunnerment fassile." said Al.  
  
"Yup. NO GUNNERMENT FASSILIE!!!"  
  
"Right. So, how do you suppose we get off this island, then?"  
  
"Well," started Dart, "I do have this weird blue box thingie out back..."  
  
"BLUE BOX THINGIE!!!"  
  
"Yes, Lavitz. There IS a blue box thingie."  
  
"NO BLUE BOX THINGIE!!"  
  
"No, Lavitz. There IS a blue box thingie..."  
  
"YUP!! BLUE BOX THINGIE!!"  
  
"Okay..."  
  
~*~They go and find the 'blue box thingie'.~*~  
  
"COOL!!! PORT-A-POTTY BOX THINGIE!! NOT EVEN USED!!"  
  
Al plugged his nose. "Um...Lavitz?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"I think...you're sitting in the used part..."  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Are you going to move?"  
  
"Uh...yup."  
  
"Okay. Go take a bath, then."  
  
"Yup. BATH!! ....Where?"  
  
"I dunno. You figure it out..."  
  
"PORT-A-POTTY BATH!!"   
  
So Lavitz jumped in the 'used' end of the Port-a-potty.  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW....." said lil' Dart and Al.  
  
"PORT-A-POTTY BATH!! SMELL LIKE PIGGIES!!"  
  
"Yes, Lavitz. You DO smell like a pig..." said Al.  
  
"ME BIG AND PINK AND....PIGGY!!"  
  
"No, I'd say more of 'BIG AND PINK AND STINKY'..." supplied lil' Dart.  
  
Al tilted his head, "Maybe not big or pink, but I agree with the stinky assumtion."   
  
"You bet." said Dart.  
  
"PIGGY!! PINK AND PIGGY!! OINK!! OINK OINKY OINK!!"  
  
"Right...yes, Lavitz. You ARE a pig..." Albert smacked his head against a tree.  
  
"BIRDIE!!! FLY LIKE A BIRDIE!! WWWWWHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Lavitz jumped out of the  
Port-a-potty bath and tackled Albert.  
  
"OH...MY...GOD!!!"  
  
"LET'S FLY, ABNER!! I mean...ALBERT!!"  
  
"NO! LET'S LEAVE."  
  
"Oh. OKAY!!"  
  
~*~ So, after a few hours of cleaning up both Lavitz and Albert, in the CLEAN end of the  
Port-a-potty, Dart wished them farewell. ~*~  
  
"BYE AL AND BLAST!!! HOPE YOU FIND YER GUNNERMENT FASSILIE!!!"  
  
Al blinked and yelled back. "HOPE YOU GET SMART ENOUGH TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS!!"  
  
"OKAY!!!"  
  
~*~ So ends a week in the life of lil' Prince Al... ~*~ 


End file.
